Featured, Observations

Loss, Life, and Loving Again

November 17, 2018

This post is a bit long but worth the read. It’ll put the above photos into context and paint a picture of loss, life, and loving again.

Two weeks after Laura passed away, I was perusing Facebook late at night when I scrolled past a page recommendation for Jeremy Camp, an award-winning Christian rock musician. I clicked on it and immediately learned that he had written a book called, “I Still Believe.” This memoir chronicled his life, but most importantly went into great depth about several aspects of his life – the loss of his first wife to ovarian cancer; his struggles with his faith because of the loss; and ultimately finding love again. I ordered the book without hesitation and finished it within a week.

After I finished the book, I told “Alexa” to shuffle Jeremy Camp since I had never listened to his music before, and by the third song I was literally on my knees in the kitchen, a crumpled mass of a human being trying to wrestle with all of the feelings that overcame me as I listened to the lyrics. The lyrics were powerful and profound, they cut to the core of my soul and spoke to me directly. Everything I was questioning about God and why he would allow such pain was being answered and flowing from the lyrics. From that point forward, his music was on a continuous loop in my house for easily five months. During that time, I continued to struggle with loss and my faith, but as the months went on my faith continued to strengthen along with the possibility of finding love again.

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May 6, 2018

I haven’t written in a long time, but I felt compelled to let my thoughts go tonight. There were some tragic events that happened in my community this week that made me reflect on everything I’ve been through as a family for the past few years. Life is short, fleeting at times, so I came home and felt the need to write…

As the storm clears, the relentless crashing of waves begins to recede. What was once a continuous onslaught of suffocating turmoil has begun to relinquish its control. 

Those moments where you could no longer breathe are short and brief. What was once a gasp for air, has now turned into a sigh of relief, knowing that all storms shall pass. 

As I look upon the horizon, I know that tomorrow brings a new day. A day of hope, love, and renewed life.

Dad-life, Observations

The last first

January 14, 2017

January 14th is bittersweet; it’s the day that served as the beginning and the end of our relationship. The grief one goes through when losing a loved one too early is incomprehensible; there’s no way to describe it or relate to it unless you experience a loss of that magnitude.

Today marks the last first time for us without Laura. During this year there were a lot of first times – birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. All unique experiences that were significant to us as a family. Each one was difficult in its own way, and some were tougher than others, but we got through them.
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Grief Hangover

October 31, 2016

2016 has been a year of firsts. First birthdays, holidays, and countless other milestones that we’re no longer sharing with Laura.

Early on, whenever one of these milestones came about, I would try and prepare for it. I’d pack the day full of activities to make sure my mind wouldn’t remind me that this was a day we’d no longer spend as a family of four.
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New Beginnings – The December 5th Fund

July 15, 2016

I’ve spent a great deal of time these past six months reflecting on how to best honor Laura’s legacy. I’ve also done a considerable amount of inner reflection on how I can take my experience and turn it into something positive. I’ve been an Ad-man for over 20 years now, and while it was something I’ve enjoyed, I realized it was never fulfilling. It never had a purpose or served a higher calling.

At the end of the day, I want to look back and know that I made a difference. That difference is a non-profit organization that will specifically help families dealing with cancer.

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Still Climbing.

July 5, 2016

Life throws a lot of curveballs at you. One minute you’re a husband and a father who seems to be moving along at a steady pace with typical goals in mind. Next thing you know, you’re faced with some of the greatest challenges you’ve ever had to deal with, and it ultimately changes every lofty goal or ambition you had in mind. Being a single father is one thing, but adding the term widower changes everything physically and mentally. It’s exhausting to try and raise two kids while also dealing with the grief of losing someone.

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Weathering The Storm

June 17, 2016

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” ― Vicki Harrison

The waters are rough this week; it was a first without Laura for many things; a first birthday, a first swim meet and a first Fathers Day is looming on the horizon. All without her.

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A Mother’s Weekend – Part 2

May 26, 2016

“True friends are the ones that give you that shoulder to lean on, the hand to hold onto, the strength to stand, and the love to love.”

I would never have made it through Mother’s Day had it not been for my friends. I woke up exhausted – physically and emotionally from the previous day, but I knew I had a large group of people behind me to give me the strength to make it through the day.

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A Mother’s Weekend – Part 1

May 19, 2016

Life came at me pretty hard two weekends ago; I was dealt a 1-2 combo straight to the heart. Saturday was my wife’s birthday which was then followed by Mother’s day. I knew I was going to get thrown around and pummeled, but I told myself I wouldn’t let the weekend beat me, no matter how bad it hurt.

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